Saturday, February 19, 2005
Kind and gentle people
Just the little bit of vicious sarcasm that makes you day start right:
You know what I really hate? When the computer crashes and you get that annoying blue screen for absolutely no reason at all. The people who invented Windows 98 are a bunch of pronovalent imbeciles who wouldn't know stability and efficiency if they both did a triple backsault right in front of them wearing nothing but a rat-skin singlet. They also probably have some neurotic insecurity which in some way relates back to their mothers, who, incidentally, are probably grotesquely overweight fishwives who spend all their time watching daytime soaps and Oprah, whilst wearing curlers and possibly a tent shaped sundress.
Speaking of fishwives, I really wish they wouldn't drag their screaming, obnoxious children into the discount store where I work, only to spend all their time trying to make me give them everything at half the advertised price, then complaining about the quality of the store and merchandise. It's a DISCOUNT store, you fools! And while they're doing this, all their snotty nosed children are draping themselves over everything that was, until they arrived, relatively clean and tidy, knocking things off the shelves and generally being a hazard to the health and wellbeing of everyone around them. If it weren't for the customers, my job would be pretty good.
Speaking of children, however, the type I really hate are those silly little teeny bopper twelve year olds, who pretend they're much older than they are, wearing ludicrously short skirts over their non-existent hips. Then they waltz around being appallingly rude to complete strangers (ie. me), completely ignorant of everyone else in the universe, except perhaps Orlando Bloom, or whoever the pre-teen heartthrob is this month. Well, just keep walking around in that Barbie pink skirt, you ignoramuses (or is the correct word ignorami?); you'll all be fishwives someday. Then you'll be fat and miserable, spending your time watching daytime TV and terrorizing shop assistants, while being the cause of your children's' psychotic problems, who then go on to work in the lowest paying job possible for Microsoft, which becomes the bane of everybody else's existence. If the world lapses into anarchy because of too many disgruntled computer users, it will be all your fault!
If anyone reading this happens to fit into the category of Microsoft employee, teeny bopper or fishwife, please keep in mind that I am normally a very sweet and mild mannered young woman, who means you no harm, despite the fact that your continued existence also happens to be the bane of my own.
You know what I really hate? When the computer crashes and you get that annoying blue screen for absolutely no reason at all. The people who invented Windows 98 are a bunch of pronovalent imbeciles who wouldn't know stability and efficiency if they both did a triple backsault right in front of them wearing nothing but a rat-skin singlet. They also probably have some neurotic insecurity which in some way relates back to their mothers, who, incidentally, are probably grotesquely overweight fishwives who spend all their time watching daytime soaps and Oprah, whilst wearing curlers and possibly a tent shaped sundress.
Speaking of fishwives, I really wish they wouldn't drag their screaming, obnoxious children into the discount store where I work, only to spend all their time trying to make me give them everything at half the advertised price, then complaining about the quality of the store and merchandise. It's a DISCOUNT store, you fools! And while they're doing this, all their snotty nosed children are draping themselves over everything that was, until they arrived, relatively clean and tidy, knocking things off the shelves and generally being a hazard to the health and wellbeing of everyone around them. If it weren't for the customers, my job would be pretty good.
Speaking of children, however, the type I really hate are those silly little teeny bopper twelve year olds, who pretend they're much older than they are, wearing ludicrously short skirts over their non-existent hips. Then they waltz around being appallingly rude to complete strangers (ie. me), completely ignorant of everyone else in the universe, except perhaps Orlando Bloom, or whoever the pre-teen heartthrob is this month. Well, just keep walking around in that Barbie pink skirt, you ignoramuses (or is the correct word ignorami?); you'll all be fishwives someday. Then you'll be fat and miserable, spending your time watching daytime TV and terrorizing shop assistants, while being the cause of your children's' psychotic problems, who then go on to work in the lowest paying job possible for Microsoft, which becomes the bane of everybody else's existence. If the world lapses into anarchy because of too many disgruntled computer users, it will be all your fault!
If anyone reading this happens to fit into the category of Microsoft employee, teeny bopper or fishwife, please keep in mind that I am normally a very sweet and mild mannered young woman, who means you no harm, despite the fact that your continued existence also happens to be the bane of my own.
